Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

ITC Funny Moments

December 4, 2010 20 comments

If you think that being a grader is a nice job and that it’s an opportunity to earn some quick money then think again because it’s not like that, seriously, it’s like babysitting 150 mature adults.

Hello! My name is Muhammad Usama and I am a student of NUCES. I was assigned as a grader in this semester (7th semester, if you don’t know) of ITC (Introduction to Computer Science) course. I check assignments, quizzes, and I also take labs. The worst part is checking cumbersome assignments and best part is taking lab of 150 students in “No AC” condition. My life sucks every Wednesday and Thursday from 1:30pm to 4:30pm but I also love this life, because I am a computer nerd. So, here are some of the funny moments that occurred while I was babysitting them (taking lab).

A small town girl was damn confused while making programs. She was unable to compile program. She didn’t know what is notepad, how to open file, save file, compile file, run file. I explained her everything, every single query she had. While I was explaining how to open notepad, and how to write hello world program, and then how to save it as .c file, she suddenly asked, “tao ismay kamal ka kia kaam hai” :S :S I was in shock so, I reconfirmed and ask her, “kia matlab ismay kamaaal ka kia kaam hai” and she started  to laugh loudly, very loudly, and I was just looking at her and I was thinking why the hell she was laughing.

Actually she meant something else. She replied, “ Mai puch rahi hun ke ismay command prompt ka kia kaam hai”. Now, I start laughing. I was unable to stop myself. I left the lab for 10 minutes and since then she has never asked me any question.

A boy wrote a program, compiled, debugged, compiled again, debugged again, compiled again, gave up, and finally called me. I look at the code there was no mistake. He was working on that program for an hour but he didn’t think once that, before you compile, you have to press Ctrl + S.

Similar case, first he wrote a program, saved it, compiled, compiler gave some error. He fixed that error, compiled again, compiler gave same error. He was working on that program madly. He was in shock. He called me and complained that compiler is not working. He was crying. The first think I did, I pressed Ctrl + S and everything came to normal.

A guy, after taking 5 labs, declaring a variable before #include. What else can I say to him?

Lab started at 1:30pm, at 4:20pm I looked at someone’s monitor. I asked him what he was doing. He cried and said, “Mujse TCC nhi chal raha”. He didn’t ask me in 3 hours and that was not his first lab.

A guy called me, “JB bhai please idhar ajayen, mai bohat tension mai hun”. I went there and he said, “Yaaar ye keyboard kharab hogia hai… sari keys ulti hogaye hain”. I said, “kia matlab ulti hogaye hain?”. He said, “phele mje capital “A” likhna hota tha tao mai SHIFT + A dabata tha. ab achanak se ulta hogia hai, mai Shift + “A” dabata hun tao chota “A” print hota hai aur ab ye shi bhi nhi horaha”… He mistakenly pressed Caps lock. Same thing happened with some “Angraiz” (I read somewhere) but I never expected that this will happen with them too.

Some girl was zipping already zipped file and she wanted to zip it again. She was playing “zip it, zip it”.

So, these were some of the funny moments happened but the list goes on and on. Let me stop here because I do have other things to do. Last but not the least It is our responsibility to help them and teach them.

“With great power comes great responsibility – Uncle Ben, Spider-Man”

If anyone is hurt by this write-up then please be “un-hurt”, as it was written for the entertainment of the people, and to lighten up my heart.


Categories: Humor

Matrix Tension

October 24, 2010 19 comments

HCI Class

Student: “Maam… I have one question regarding 1st Phase of our HCI Project. Can I ask?”

Maam: “Yes, sure. Why not?”

Student: “Maam, what is the difference between Traceability Matrix, Usability Matrix, and Feasibility Matrix?”

Maam: “Look, the difference is very simple. In traceability matrix we do traceability engineering. In usability matrix we do usability engineering and in feasibility matrix we do feasibility engineering.”

Student (Thinking): “WTF!”
Student: “Ahaan! Maam, another question… What is engineering?”

Maam: “Hmm. In short, Engineering is all about Traceability, Usability, and Feasibility of Matrices.”

Student (Thinking): “FML!”
Student: “And what is Traceability?”

Maam: “Traceability is a kind of engineering, in matrix form, that we usually do in our 1st Phase.”

Student (Thinking): *CENSORED*

PIT Class

Student: “Sir, I have a very professional issue and it’s really related to IT… Can I ask?”

Sir: “Be strong, haha. Yes you can ask”

Student (Thinking): “What does he want?”
Student: “Sir, what is the difference between Traceability Matrix, Usability Matrix, and Feasibility Matrix from PIT point of view?”

Sir (Thinking): “Oh God! What I’ve done to deserve this? Why … Why!!!”
Sir: “Well, when we talk about matrix and specially engineering then we can’t just ignore patent and copyright. According to Parliament act of 1890…”

Student: “Shit! Why did I ask?”

After continuously listening to the garbage being spewed out by various zombie-fied IT professionals, who’ve spent more time on MS-Word than any compiler, the student went to some teacher and ask the same question. He replied, “Tera bhai tao 5 minute mai saray ‘ability’ matrix bana leta tha. Khair chhor …” He changed the topic.

Innocent Student to himself: “Yaar hamari parhai itni mushkil kiu hai.”
Teacher to Director: “Sir, we found new “ability” – Ergonoability, Can we include this in our course?”

Director: “Sure, include whatever you said “ability” Matrix too”

This article is based on fiction. lol

Categories: Humor